I'M DOING MY BEST

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Wake up world,  it's 6:10 am .......

This picture now,   because,  it's soothing

by: Kat ( Mary) Carlson)  _ author/publisher


I'm telling you,   I had a crummy night.   I lost my camera too.   Now,  because my nerves are
in a frenzy,   ( my coffee wasn't exactly helpful ),  my nervous impulse demanded to get up and look for this camera,  that I can't live without !!!!!! ( or so says my nerves).    Our  sub-conscious is sometimes,  soooooo  demanding !   You see,  I had tried to find it and was not focusing well,  unbelieving that I could have misplaced it.   I just gave up and tried to rest,  until everything settled down.  But those demands just hounded my mind or heart,  get up,  find,  find it !!    Perspective,  that's what I said,  I need perspective.   I decided to turn off my usual music.  I put on my eyebrow/make-up.   As the walls started to close in,   this came to me,  "it's like you have a hangover" !!    Well,  that certainly did put this in perspective for me.  


I don't drink hardly any and when I do,  it's not that much.   But,  if I did I know that one would just  see-it-through",  until,  the hangover passed.  ( That's a shorter time than trying to "fix" everything NOW.    So,  having gained this insight,   I decided I "could" write my blog this morning and share this thought,   no matter what "training"  we are getting or have learned in the past,   sometimes,  when those things don't work for us,  "We  Do The Best We Can ",  and at those times it makes me crazier if I think beyond the "moment"  .  "Keeping it real " ........ for now.


* Perspective  .........

For me,  right now,  this picture says it all,   just a "no matter" attitude

 (_ A Wink & a Smile_) ..................................................................................................:)

WHEN U CAN'T BELIEVE

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It's October,  almost November,   I will retire this photo after this blog.. ( til next year ... :)

by : Kat ( Mary) Carlson  _ author/publisher



Time marches on, ........  I own a red t-shirt that says  .... "Life is too short"  !  It really is,  isn't it?  


Last night,  after a very successful day,  cleaning windows,  generally cleaning up around my place inside, but mostly outside after the painters came and left.  All in all,  though I felt accomplished in my
efforts.
 
To back up a little,  I'll fill you in on a little story.  For a couple of weeks,  I was corresponding with a gentleman who claimed to be from Greece... ( a sub contractor for a Petroleum company).  This "man's"
story was,  my wife died three years ago,  I have no children,  no family (siblings),  my parents are both dead.   I became interested in his plight.  The seeming sincerity was convincing.  Most of all and completely when this "man"  implied an incident that only "I" could have related to.  It was poetic and
mind boggling.   No one,  NO ONE was with me at the time of this beautiful experience of mine.  Any who,  it became a completely honest ( I thought) exchange as days went on.  Both looking forward to the next visit "online".   He was young,  ( 50 ),  and he even sent me a picture of himself. 

I looked forward to chatting.  Sometimes,  since there was a 10 hour time difference,  and I was up & night writing and sometimes,  he was also up too.  Youth tends to exaggerate,  & moves too fast, I started taking control, and setting the pace I was comfortable with.   But, alas,  he let the cat out of the bag,  when he claimed that the country he was working in was low economics,  and he was short on cash to pay his men (workers).  I asked a few questions and asked how he could solve "his" problem .  ( I'm sure you can see the writing on the wall as I continue this tale).   Long story short,  soon,  the question became,  "can you loan me money,  I'll pay you back."  It seemed he had money but the banks there limited the amount he could withdraw.  DUH?  I shut down the conversation immediately.  But not with out my brain ( after about 5 hours),  starting to go "brainiac" on me and I was propelled into darkness and total confusion.   No, I really hadn't invested a whole lot,  ( I thought)  in my own heart and mind.  I sooo like who I am and was confident in that wonderful "reality" all along.   But, ya know,  I did like him.

So uncomfortable I became,  restless is even putting it mildly.  I decided to go outside on my patio around dusk and get quiet.  Hah!  I stayed as log as possible and went back inside my house.
I struggled with calling my handsome brother,  and calling out for " I don't know what".   I did not do that right away.   I grabbed my little Fluffy doggie ( Floppy)  and hugged him.  I called my brother and we talked a bit about vulnerability, etc.  After hanging up,  I started feeling less agitated .  Then I began a conversation with myself, that went like this,  I don't know even if I believe in "A"  GOD,  much less,  believe Him at all.   This "thought" ushered in and went like this,  "If  you did believe God,  what would He be doing right now.  My answer,  He would be,  "believing in me" .    Incredible insight and 
clarity at a time when  I was in total darkness.   Peace came,  I made a cup of vegetable bullion . '"The truth does set me free"   and keeps me free.   I know that I know,  that my Gods' nature is one of pure belief.  ( Faith).   All my doubt vanished.  I slept peacefully.

Today (  realizing that I was violated)  and that sort of thing happened in my Life "throughout my Life"   and therfore this situation went deep into my soul and cut out the "cancer" from  long ago.   I shout out thankfulness to "my lover and my best friend"   for looking out for me  " in all things" !      

It truly is pleasure to "share  with you " ...this time and place!

(_ A Wink & a Smile_) .....................................................................................:)

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?

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Early this particular morning,  I grabbed my camera and tried to capture the "beauty"......

by: Kat ( Mary ) Carlson  _ author/publisher


Somewhere along my "way",   I decided to "be happy" ..... but of course that remains my decision,  and guess what ,   it happens sometimes.   Yeah,   it does.   But,  now & then,  not so much.  " First you say you do and then you don't "..............:)  


So,  my working title for this morning is " DO YOU KNOW THE WAY" ?   And the very next thing I am going to say "right now" ...... (that is an important statement "right now")    Do not follow me then.
I can't really say that I'm unhappy either.   You might even know the experience !  


And with this in mind,  I just "danced" my way across the room to pick up my dictionary,  "words" ,
"like those words" .... this time it was "postulate".  To assume something is true.   Yeah,  that's my take on this "mood"  I'm in.   So,  I am up at 1:45 am,  writing and listening to some lovely music by  "Ray Anthony" and his orchestra.  At one point,  the thought came to me,  I don't like this music,  turn it off.
I decided to listen anyway.   I'm very happy that I did ... continue to listen. 


For all intents & purposes,  finding our way is what it's all about.   It's not easy.  In many ways,  one has to be daring.  Try this,  then if that doesn't work,  try that.   I know this though,  when there is "Peace" in my heart,  it really isn't the problem it was "once upon a time".   

As lovely as a "rose" is .........It "does" have thorns !!

In spite of it all .......have a "beautiful day "

(_ A Wink & a Smile_) ...........................................................................:(  ?   ___  :)  Tee hee  !

NEVERTHELESS

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Start the morning off "right"

by: Kat M. Carlson  _ author/publisher




"Maybe  I'm right and maybe I'm wrong,  and maybe I'm weak and maybe I'm strong,   but
"NEVERTHELESS"   I'm in LOVE  with you  !!



Ah,  romance,  can't live with it and can't live without it.   I gotta say,  I'm all for it!   The most significant and important thing I have discovered currently,   is,   it is possible to be in
"LOVE"  with ourselves.   Only strong,  vital,  "head together" type of personalities,  can pull this off.    When our hearts are rooted in real  "honest LOVE",  can you or I be in a position to become  one who,  absolutely,  deeply ,  considers him or her self,   capable of receiving that "emancipation".   What a "glorious" experience !!!  ......:)


It is my opinion that if and when "marriage" does take place ,  one's own "emancipation",  will keep this kind of " marriage",  going  "STRONG".   As is always the case,  when you don't really 
need something,  it's then you can truly have it,  and appreciate it's value.   But until or even if "marriage" does not come about,  one is "happy"  within and ,  in LOVE with LIFE !


Ah,  "real "LIFE".  well,  when you find it,  bravo for you !!   A "superb"  "extraordinary " relationship !   It transcends all matter,   and makes you "free-to-be". 


Well,  I'm on a roll here,  but  "hey",  why not !   It is "terrific" news,  isn't it?  " Being  in love with Life itself?"  

                                                          Just flat out ,  "BEING" ?


GO    FOR   IT    !!!!!

  

 (_A Wink & a Smile_) ..........................................................................................................:)
   

YARD SALE # 2

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Tomorrow's Yard Sale is going to outfit 3 families,  me, then next door and then the next door after that !!

 

 

 

 

by: Kat ( Mary ) Carlson  _  author/publisher



We are ALL gearing up for a rip roaring three family yard sale.  The weather man has been kind in that the predicted temperature will only be 90 degrees F.   Oh,  lucky,  lucky us.  Because you see,  already this week we've had 100 - 104 degree weather.  My thoughtful next door neighbor loaned me his very large patio umbrella.  I just finished rounding up a nice stand for it.  That's a 
gift,  I didn't expect,  ............. thank you, Chuck!


So,  in less than 20 hours,  folks will be pulling up next to our drive-ways,  and "looking for "treasures",  as they say,  they can't live without.  Lots of people,  remark,  I don't  see anything I can't live without!  Ojai is a really wonderful, Garage Sale, Yard Sale paradise.  We are a simple folk,  yep, that we are.  These kinds of activities also bring us together on weekends,  affording us the chance to say "hey"...................:)


You know,  country living is the real deal!   We call a spade a spade !   So,  when you "click" with
your neighbors,  that's something special !!   The size of a town calls for genuine representation of one's self.   RIGHT ? 


Which brings me to a anecdote,  an relative remarked to me,  after I reported to him that my Sale is tomorrow,  well,  Mary,  I'll "pray" that it is successful.  That kind of remark,  made me very upset,  and now,  after putting it aside for a day,  ( I practice waiting on clarity when I get upset like that ) so a few moments ago,  I got a glimpse of this "happy" concept ,  truth will out,  I do live for each moment of each and everyday.   That is key  for me to have a strong value system.  First things first.   Enjoy the moment !   So,  when I arrange this type of deal,  the fun is in preparing,   signs,   setting up,  meeting & greeting.    It's a wonderful experience.    I haven't actually given much thought to how much I'll derive monetarily.  I've prepared,   so,  I know,  it will be adequate, or more.   So-be-it !    I exchanged a life of anxiety ( oh yes,  I was EXTREMELY anxious for most of my life),  but not anymore.  ( Sigh)  Now,  it's full of richness and wealth of a different kind. 


I know I am going to enjoy tomorrow !!  Because I enjoy "TODAY",  so,  it's in-the-bag!  That is not-to-say,  "Life is Predictable",  uh uh,  not so much ! 


I plan on taking pictures of the festivities.  Now,  ..... the weatherman could be nice and surprise us with "cooler" weather,  huh?  ...  The three families involved are getting this together for the very first time.  Y-a-a-a-a-y !!  Picture time on my blog/post coming up soon.  Stop by and visit !!!!  I'll take your picture ....................:)

Happy Trails

 

 (_ A Wink & a Smile_) ......................................................................:)


 

" STRUCTURAL DAMAGE "

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Fortunately for me, .....  I am up, out of bed and slightly functioning

by: Kat ( Mary) Carlson  _ Author/Publisher


I don't know how many people read my blogs on a daily basis.  Last night,  yes, it was me and I did put out that message about  GOD,  I was more than miffed.  Haven't had a time like that in "years".  I got to the "heart" of how I was feeling,  and really only until just moments ago, did
I sort of "come-to-terms"  with what I needed to express "for the moment".  It was a v-e-r-y 
l-o--n-g night.  Panic,  nerves, jangling, no rest,  "my back" went out.  The "pain" was excruciating.  And there's a great deal MORE to this story about the severity of it all. 

A few weeks ago,  right up over my head,  came this message " there's structural damage",
isn't there ?  Well, now,  I was sure I "heard wrong",  even tho,  it was quite clear and concise.
As it turns out,  that structural damage is exactly what it meant and I was right in the middle of
it being "adjusted",  in the fixins' of such construction.  My low back,  is so very painful.  To top it off,  there is lots of nerve damage in my brain,  that runs throughout my body.   That would be legs,  feet,  head,  neck,  etc.   As the upset in my brain came about,  "nerves" were disturbed and were sending "odd" messages,  clearly meant to confuse and panic.   Everything I knew to say or do,  did not work.  But I did try this,  I learned this one thing and wrote about it  in http://lilymakesmesmile.com  ( Wordpress.com)   I start using nonsensical phrases,  anything that comes to mind ,  I mean off-the-top-of-your-head type stuff,  like for me it was "Braxton Hicks",
Cornwall Jackson and Skip-a-beat, & a whole host of stuff that makes no sense or reference to what is going on presently.  believe me,   confusing the brain then , is exactly what it needs because it's stressed out then.  It's something that works anytime you are stressed.

Some of the stuff that I repeated was hilarious.   Anyway,  it keeps you from having to try and deal with something impossible for you to try and deal with when " NOTHING WORKS".  I went bananas and really got way out there in space.  But that is how it works.  Then the very next thing I tried really did help.  I cupped my hands together and made a kind of conduit.  I found that the 
best and MOST HELPFUL,  and did settle my nervous energy.  

Now, though,  when I go to the bathroom, bend over to reach for something (which seems like always)  ,  I "scream" in PAIN.  I think I mentioned that I don't take drugs or medicine,  I just don't.  My decision.  So,  I am learning how to deal with "pain"  these days.  

Structural damage !  I  really thought I had the whole "healed thing" in the bag.  Guess not,
But one of  the approaches I took last night was to rebel and go against "tradition".  I "felt" a little better doing that.  

It may take a while for me to be back in the picture taking game.

 

 

 

 

   

Tomorrow,  have a blast,  and drive safely.


(_A Wink & a Smile_).............................................................................:) 

HE IS A "MAN " _ # 2

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A "LUCKY "MOM

by: Kat ( Mary ) Carlson  _  author/publisher


I' so proud to write this blog/post this morning.  Maybe it is personal,  but the story is absolutely worth telling.  My oldest son,  is 52 years old.   From the beginning,  at 2 1/2 years old,  this
fabulous "creature" displayed courage.  Courage because he was not afraid of authority.   At this tender age,   I asked him for a favor,   seemingly small one to me and it definitely was a small one. I was changing his younger brother's diaper,  and didn't have a clean one to put on him,  so,  I said,  would you please go get me a clean diaper on the kitchen table.   He said  "NO".   Re soundly,  and absolutely "NO".    I lost it !    I went "bonkers !  ( Now, mind you I found that I had issues at that moment.)  This story is phenomenal,  because,  it has taken both of us,  50 years to find a wonderful  "Love"  for each other.


The timing could not be more "perfect".  We have both been lost ,  but "looking" at ourselves
for ourselves .  Of course we have charted our own course,  but have now,   found our own " individual strength".  


Once I kicked him out of the house,  he had nothing except the clothes on his back.  He had gone off to college out of high school,  a bright young man,  ( physics major).  Down in San Diego,
at school,  he got caught up in culinary ideas as to what "heals" us.   So,  he converted to vegetarianism.  That became his direction.   But school ( college) got totally lost as a " priority "    and actually,  it  ( vegetarianism) WAS a primary concern because " HE" really needed "healing" inside,  desperately.    Our confrontation when he flatly refused to help me at the age of 2 1/2 was "ugly".


My son spent " years" on the streets,  found ways to take care of himself,  and came back to me after  many,  many years to help take care of me.  Then I had "trials"  issues too.  I fell,  broke my hip and was off to stay and recover in a "Nursing home & later Assisted Living Facilities"   But LIFE was "still" very,  very "painful for "both" us.  We did have the good sense to realize that it was an individual walk,  this LIFE.
  

Long story short,  NOW,   HE  &  I,   are at  fabulous,  glorious  "PEACE"  with ourselves and naturally & thankfully  with each other.   Right before,  he left for college ,  this time ( at 52 yrs.),
we played "Scrabble"  every night for a week.   He came home for a very short visit,  two nights ago,  & yes, we did play  "Scrabble" once again.   Here's where I  "proclaim" that "HE" is a MAN.  Before he left the next morning,  he put his arms around me and loved me "gently "and "warmly".   His "heart" is so tender and sweet.   He "loves" all Life.   He brought me a cute little frog a few weeks ago,  barely an inch in diameter.   It was cupped in his sweet hands and he said,  _  " Mom where can I put him,  so he can be in moisture" ? _ ( The weather was monstrously hot).     How I "loved" being a part of that "BEAUTIFUL" moment  !!!!


 I'm so "happy" that we have come to terms with our own "selves",  and can be whole together and apart.  It's "never" too late !!!!


Interesting note here,  is the title " it's quite prevalent in this world  " for "man"( hu-mans) to "feel the need to DOMINATE" (control) !   Not a surprise,  I'm sure.   Too bad that many feel so threatened,  that that is their only recourse.  The relationship between man & woman ( & our own selves) will and can be "healed"  with  "loving Hearts".   A real sense of our own individual "identities " .  First separately,  and then  "Together".   It's the "only" way, "RESPECT" and  "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" can come about.   

Some say LOVE,  it is a flower ........

Well,  it just  "IS",  ...... that's all !!   "IT'S  POWERFUL "


_( A Wink & a Smile_) .....................................................................................:)  

IT'S OH SO GOOD

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Morning everyone ....... It's me,  Kat

 

 

 

by: Kat  ( Mary ) Carlson  _ author/publisher


Saturday,  August 29,  2015.   I'm coming to you this morning dressed in "grown up" garb.
And that only because I was inspired to say a few things about "my" spiritual journey".
Years ago,  many many years I began serious growth determined to take charge of the
sickness in my LIFE.  I started with "Words",  meditating and concentrating on them until "they" ( words)  became "real" and had meaning.   Gee, that has gone on now for years and years
and has brought about absolute change.  

Absolute in that I have "most gratefully",   learned that the place I am at now,  has a solid footing.  I asked to be rooted and grounded in profound  " LOVE".    Now,   I know without a doubt,  that no matter what changes come either inside or outside,  I will always be shored up in "love's power".    I can "NEVER"  lose ground.   All that has gone before me,   the "growth"  I've made,  is "solid" as a "rock".   With that awareness,  I  "rest" and know that those kinds of dividends are spectacular.

The world system,  at large,  can and will "never" grant you or me that kind of  " SECURITY".
 ......."N-E-V-E-R".


So,  as the title of my blog overall,  is this  "ONE STEP CLOSER" ,  because I "really" am "One Step Closer",   you see.  I can only build,  better and better "substance",  it IS "money-in-the-bank",  only  much,  much, better!  We all know how "fleeting" the value of money is these days,
don't we ?  Life and Solidarity,  that's where my focus is.  That's what  I "Herald",  this morning,
that's where I spend my efforts,  just  plain,  "BEING " and "BEING" at "PEACE",  being
"FREE".  There is a song,  it goes like this ,  "house built on a weak foundation will not stand,  oh no".

You & I are able to "stand" now,  because we have seen to it that our "house"  is built to "LAST",  no "matter" what.   And I really do mean " matter".  It's something to give thought to.


 

Enjoy your weekend !!

 

 

    
 (_ A Wink & a Smile_)..............................................................................:)

MEASURED SUCCESS

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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING.............( love that song,  have you heard it ? )

by: Kat ( Mary) Carlson  _  author/publisher



My daily walks/adventures here in our local Ojai Valley,  find events & people who have stories
that excite me.  One such story is that of this fellow walker named Dennis Leary, see pic

Some time ago,  I published Dennis's picture on this blog.  He & I had a similar experience,   a fall resulting in a broken hip.

Yesterday around two months later,  I happily came across this friend of mine "walking" without his walker.  ( Dennis & I are the same age "75" ).  So out came my camera,  and he kindly let me take his picture now ...........walking anew

Bravo Dennis .......that's "GREAT"  !

Our celebrated "climb-up-this-hill"  is a challenge but oh,  it yields fabulous results!  Getting well is a "joy" to those of us who get to go there in our own "reality".  I'm proud of you Dennis!

Every morning,  before & after I pass these guys straight down my short gravel road and over the fence,  "Alpacas".  Yesterday  I couldn't resist taking this picture.  

   
The alpacas don't usually come up this close to the fence.  There is a "tree" behind them and that's their "hangout" as a rule.  Aren't they an interesting lot ?  And I think they are "adorable".

Vicki and Red,  my two "great" friends down at the stables,  well,   I have the pleasure of visiting these two everyday

As time progresses,  come October,  2015,  Vicki and I are going to sit down and start interviewing
with hopes of me writing Vicki and Red's interesting "LOVE" story.  Vicki's story in her own right,  is really something I want to share with folks around the world.   I know you'll fall in love with her as I have.  I can't wait to get started  ..........


More to come in the days ahead,  news about  Ojai Valley and it's vistas ,  also stories and pictures
of "very" interesting colorful people around town. 

Meanwhile, stay tuned everyone,  I am going to be driving my "golf cart" in the near future.   Keep those positive thoughts & donations coming ! 

 To donate:  https://www.giveforward.com/donate/282673  (Relief Fund - Managing Transportation)  "Mary Carlson"   Thanks!

Although this golf cart is sitting in my very own back yard,  this one actually belongs to my friend,  Karen.

"It's a very happy occasion for me folks,   meeting like this each day.........................."



(_ A Wink & a Smile_) ....................................................................................................:)

WHAT DOES A MOUNTAIN DO ?

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Let's talk,   for a moment  ?

 

 

 

by : Kat ( Mary) Carlson  _ author/publisher


Now, I have heard time and time again,  with " FAITH"  you can move mountains.   I am certain you have heard the same thing.   As  I was sort of meditating ( well, you know, "quiet inside" )  moment ago,   I heard a voice on the radio say to another,  same exact thing,  "you can move mountains,   if you have "faith".   With a chuckle inside,  I said to myself,  hmmmmmmmm,...
and could a mountain move a person ?    So,   you see what we all knew all along is that this "speck of DUST,  (me& you)" is  mighty important.   The mountain,  not so much !  ..............:)


Yeah,    a lesson i had this week is to not focus so closely on the "creation" so as to get hung up on what transpires when that sort of "beauty" gets completely out-of-focus.   That 'DID" happen to me more than once,  in recent years/days.    The real importance of that,   is our own being changes from time to time and when disaster imposes itself on "man/woman"  ( humanity),  to be ready" for such an event,  we will survive when we "KNOW WE KNOW",  _ "FAITH & LOVE".  It's then that nature abandons you and me,  it's then that  "knowing"  "SAVES  "YOU & ME" !
AND another "biggy" is this ,  it also "HEALS" _YOU & ME,  _ physically as well as mentally.
   

Thinking about these things isn't really something that is,  say on the top-of-our-list.   And quite
rightly,  it , IS _ the thoughts who have had to deal with "TRIALS",  that have called for "reaching"  & stretching beyond ........   way  beyond what meets our eyes.   Hence the reality of   "  I  walk be Faith and not by  Sight."


If you've done this and been there,  then,   for certain,  you Do know what I'm talking about.  Now,  "in retrospect,"  as difficult as it was,   I am glad I've had the "training" for "LIFE "!  
I believe every aspect of "MY LIFE".  It's a HUGE statement and knowing that curve balls come 
frequently,  it surely will be challenged.

No,  no,  not  "THIS" kind of getting ready

 

This kind of getting ready  "DOES"  help a lot though but,

    


getting down right "HONEST"  will do-the-TRICK !   "YEP",   it is what it takes,  people,
in order for you & I,  to _ "Move Mountains". 



Most of us really do "NOT "want that there mountain we "look" at and "enjoy"  "TO MOVE",
right ?  Your move .........

I've got an "arm"  that is quite "willing" to  experience "healing"....... it's "SORE"......:)

 

 

 

 

 

 (_A Wink & a Smile_).............................................................................:)