ONE STEP CLOSER: WHEN U CAN'T BELIEVE

http://iblong2Me.blogspot.com/

It's October, almost November, I will retire this photo after this blog.. ( til next year ... :)

by : Kat ( Mary) Carlson _ author/publisher

Time marches on, ........ I own a red t-shirt that says .... "Life is too short" ! It really is, isn't it?

Last night, after a very successful day, cleaning windows, generally cleaning up around my place inside, but mostly outside after the painters came and left. All in all, though I felt accomplished in my
efforts.

To back up a little, I'll fill you in on a little story. For a couple of weeks, I was corresponding with a gentleman who claimed to be from Greece... ( a sub contractor for a Petroleum company). This "man's"
story was, my wife died three years ago, I have no children, no family (siblings), my parents are both dead. I became interested in his plight. The seeming sincerity was convincing. Most of all and completely when this "man" implied an incident that only "I" could have related to. It was poetic and
mind boggling. No one, NO ONE was with me at the time of this beautiful experience of mine. Any who, it became a completely honest ( I thought) exchange as days went on. Both looking forward to the next visit "online". He was young, ( 50 ), and he even sent me a picture of himself.

I looked forward to chatting. Sometimes, since there was a 10 hour time difference, and I was up & night writing and sometimes, he was also up too. Youth tends to exaggerate, & moves too fast, I started taking control, and setting the pace I was comfortable with. But, alas, he let the cat out of the bag, when he claimed that the country he was working in was low economics, and he was short on cash to pay his men (workers). I asked a few questions and asked how he could solve "his" problem . ( I'm sure you can see the writing on the wall as I continue this tale). Long story short, soon, the question became, "can you loan me money, I'll pay you back." It seemed he had money but the banks there limited the amount he could withdraw. DUH? I shut down the conversation immediately. But not with out my brain ( after about 5 hours), starting to go "brainiac" on me and I was propelled into darkness and total confusion. No, I really hadn't invested a whole lot, ( I thought) in my own heart and mind. I sooo like who I am and was confident in that wonderful "reality" all along. But, ya know, I did like him.

So uncomfortable I became, restless is even putting it mildly. I decided to go outside on my patio around dusk and get quiet. Hah! I stayed as log as possible and went back inside my house.
I struggled with calling my handsome brother, and calling out for " I don't know what". I did not do that right away. I grabbed my little Fluffy doggie ( Floppy) and hugged him. I called my brother and we talked a bit about vulnerability, etc. After hanging up, I started feeling less agitated . Then I began a conversation with myself, that went like this, I don't know even if I believe in "A" GOD, much less, believe Him at all. This "thought" ushered in and went like this, "If you did believe God, what would He be doing right now. My answer, He would be, "believing in me" .    Incredible insight and
clarity at a time when I was in total darkness. Peace came, I made a cup of vegetable bullion . '"The truth does set me free"   and keeps me free. I know that I know, that my Gods' nature is one of pure belief. ( Faith). All my doubt vanished. I slept peacefully.

Today ( realizing that I was violated) and that sort of thing happened in my Life "throughout my Life" and therfore this situation went deep into my soul and cut out the "cancer" from long ago. I shout out thankfulness to "my lover and my best friend"   for looking out for me " in all things" !