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| I kind of have that, "at home" look/feeling, in this picture, that is exactly what I am aiming for today. |
by" Kat ( Mary ) Carlson _ author/publisher
It was exactly 30 years ago that I began searching for answers to what had been a lifetime of depression ! Although it took a multitude of life's experiences to find out how much I was "hurting". College right out of high school, quitting college early, moving back home ( with mom & dad), getting a pretty good job, ( Savings& Loan ), marrying a childhood sweetheart, having three "beautiful" babies, ( all sons), & then, "boom", the bottom just fell out from under me. I sought "help", ...doctors, medication, institutions, more churches & religion ( I grew up & was "active" in a denominational church), but my "struggles" INCREASED ! I managed to keep the household afloat (most of the time), but in the end, I realized, it was up-to-me, and needed to find my own "help" within !
Deciding to meditate, on positive imagery, (thinking my mind was similar to a computer, if enough good stuff went in deep enough, at the core, things might change a little ). So, the very first word I concentrated on was " ABSOLUTION ", don't ask me why, it just was. Along with many words that were positive in nature, this paticular word ... (absolution) brought about a picture of what I am pretty sure ( at the time) thought, was GOD or "ME completed" ! Anyway, I saw and immediately looked away at that "image," rejecting it........it was , LOVE, pure LOVE ! My exact words/response was " I don't want YOU, I want to be "HEALED". I may have been depressed but I was feisty, none the less. I was shown that I could have this "POWER " , well, I responded like this, "IF"___that happens, I want to be "shored up completely" with this thing called "LOVE", so I leave this up-to-you, because I don't trust me with it, this "POWER you speak of" !!!!
So other words and concepts developed, one being the "Immaculate Conception" and many, many others as well. 30 years ago, whew!, I started this journey, but alas, now I "KNOW", "LOVE"
"intimately," and my LIFE has completely changed. The beauty of changing in this way is, with every step, every discovery of "tenable" situations, "hurt", "unearthed" , came the wonderful UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, to "shore me up", as I had asked for in the beginning ! Somehow/someway I knew, nothing else would do. It was the ONLY way to_ really , truly HEAL
COMPLETELY. That, to me, would leave "nothing to come back and "haunt me" and end up"
with more "troubles" &/or "sicknesses" ! I saw this happening, everywhere, and belie"ved it would also happen to me if it wasn't done "right" ! I'm a bottom-line "girl" ! Fine print and all that ! Seal the deal, by the way, "what IS the Deal, anyway ? ( That kind of thing!) I believe in the "luxury" of asking _"WHOEVER it is " !!!!!!!!!
Now, I "happily", CLOSE _ my post/blog "this morning " ........."ALL SHORED UP"...........:)
And it IS always a pleasure to share with you __
(_A Wink & a Smile_)..................................................................:)
http:akneadedtouch4u.com, http://lilymakesmesmile.com, http://chooseurwords.com (WORD PRESS archives _ August 2014-January 2015, http://4u2become1.blogspot.com ( I support Life & Living Words) Google+
